For the past few days, social media has been a whirlpool of opinions and arguments regarding the recent Lifetime documentary, Surviving R. Kelly.
There’s a lot that can and should be said about this topic, like the discreet, yet occasionally unintentional perpetuation of rape culture. At its core, rape culture is simply believing that a sexual abuse victim did something or set themselves up in a way to deserve the abuse that has happened to them. What I saw a lot following the documentary, were people victim shaming the women who were Kelly’s victims.
I saw a lot of “well they were being fast girls” and “they shouldn’t have gone backstage with him,” tweets that not only disgusted me but hurt me as well. The idea that young black girls are fast for just being is a social construct that has done years of damage, that must be reversed.
I wrote an essay, an ode if you will to all of my fellow black girls out there that have been accused of being ‘fast’ when we were simply growing up! This essay calls for social accountability on males and can be read, discussed, and appreciated here!
We all know that Monday’s set the tone for the rest of our week! When are Monday’s go well, we feel unstoppable; when they go bad, we feel defeated! It doesn’t have to be this way at all! Today, I’m sharing four things that I do on Sunday night’s to prepare my mind and spirit for my upcoming week! These tips keep me calm and create a revitalized mood and energy that is needed to carry me throughout the week!
1.) Cleaning your space
You can’t be at your best, when your living space isn’t at its best! Period! We spend TOO much in our living spaces and clutter in the home serves as a variable in the clutter in our minds and our daily lives. To keep my mind clear, I keep my space clean! Now I’m already a neat freak so I never have to take hours to clean my space because I’m picking up daily, but weekly, I take the time to do a thorough cleaning of my apartment. Cleaning the bathroom top to bottom, wiping baseboards to pick up dust, wiping the fan blades, disinfecting door knobs, mopping floors, washing clothes and so on. Now you personally don’t have to go as hard as I do [Lol], but maybe start by cleaning your kitchen every other day or tending to your floors every Thursday or create a schedule that works for you! However you do it, you’ll notice your focus shifting and your mood lifting!
2.) Re-Map Your Calendar
Depending on who you are and what you do, your days are either busy or chill. Me, trying to balance being a teacher, graduate school, an internship blogging, AND my personal life, a sista be stressed! Lol. I HAVE to have a planner because without one, my life would be in more shambles than it already is. Now I am an old school, buy a planner, write it down type of girl. However, a lot of us out there are able to survive with our technology. Whatever your choice is, once a week, take a few minutes to sketch out your week in your planner. Take time to map out your weekly or monthly goals, schedule gym time, relaxation time, and don’t forget to schedule time for YOURSELF -whether it be a mini/pedi, time at the bookstore, time to mediate- make sure you always have your time written down somewhere in your planner. A few of my favorite planners are the Passion Planner which gives you the most creative freedom any planner ever will; this Successful Black Womanplanner by Legendary Rootz which is a constant affirmation and reminder for my Nubian queens out there, and this journal from the amazing Mykeilfilled with tips on making the most of your day and taking steps to accomplishing your goals!
3.) Meditating and Essential Oils
Thanks to Hey Fran Hey I’ve become a fan of essential oils. I took to Amazon to buy a good selection of oils and an oil diffuser which I use almost daily. One of my favorite distressing activities to get me relaxed is to blend a good mix of oils [lavender and chamomile is my absolute favorite] and just sit in my bedroom in the quiet. This gives me time to meditate and let all of the thoughts and ideas that I usually don’t get to tap into because of life, to seep through. As I sit in the moment, I sometimes also journal, writing down any thoughts or phrases that come to my mind as a form of release. Then I follow that up with prayer time and just spend one on one time with my God. This process helps me unload all of the mental weight I’ve been holding to and refocus my attention to those things I’ve written down.
4.) Clean Your Car
I don’t know about anybody else, but my spirit is just unsettled when my car is not clean. Lol. If you really think about it, we spend a lot of time in our cars driving to our various destinations. That leaves us with a lot of time to our thoughts and our ideas. Just like your living space, you can’t really think clearly when your space is cluttered, so I am a firm believer in keeping a clean car. Like most people, my car wash day is Sunday, so every other month, I get my car professionally washed and cleaned [vacuumed and wiped down]. In between professional washes, I go to the drive through car wash and detail my car myself. After a good wipe down and new smell goods [my favorite is the Black Ice scent], I’m ready to hit the road.
Again, these aren’t the end-all-be-all- ideas to have a good productive week, but these are some things that I do to make sure my Monday or Tuesday [because it doesn’t always work out on Sunday] starts off calm and relaxed. What do you do to revitalize your upcoming week? Leave a comment below and spread your wealth!
With a new year comes new concepts! Starting this year, every month, I’ll be compiling a list of my current obsessions ranging from fashion to makeup to food to alcohol. Lol! I think it’ll be fun and hopefully you’ll come across something you want to try and it becomes an obsession of yours!
I heard about the Pond’s Cold Cream Cleanser wash from one of my favorite Beauty YouTubers, Missy Lynn! When I tell you that this stuff is LEE.GIT! I’ve tried several face washes that claim to remove make up and they’ve all been trash! I then resorted to using Vaseline to remove my make-up [which is still an option], but when I heard about this, I had to try it. I don’t know what Pond’s has in this little jar of magic but this stuff literally melts away ALL of your make-up! You put it on like a lotion, let it do it’s work, and then wash off with a wet towel! Perfection!
Luvie Ajayi, more commonly known as Awesomely Luvvie on the Twitterwebs is like your favorite cousin who will crack on you for a good laugh and check you when you’re getting out of line. I’ve been a fan of Luvvie for years now, following her from Twitter and to her blog. By the grace of God, she released her own book checking ALL of us for our tomfoolery and outlandish antics and it’s great!
I’m not really a Whole Foods kind of gal. You can typically find me at your local Kroger’s or occasionally HEB. But I went to WF one day to get something for my dog and stumbled across these bad boys. They’re Hannah Max Cookie Chips and taste just like they sound- a cookie that eats like a chip and they are BOMB!! They come in different flavors like regular chocolate chip and raisin, but if you have a sweet tooth like my, then the cinnamon sugar ones are your best bet. Also… you can find them just about anywhere like Target and SPECS while you’re picking up a bottle! LOL.
Speaking of SPECS…. so I love moscato wine. Who doesn’t? However, I’m still in my ‘cheap-boxed wine’ phase because I don’t know anything about good, quality wines. [If anyone is familiar and can put me on game, holla’ at me!] During the Christmas holiday’s my cousin whipped this out and MANNNNN…. this has easily become my FAVORITE moscato. I raved about this so much that my cousin actually bought me a bottle for Christmas and I still haven’t opened it, because I know it’ll be gone in a flash! Now I know moscato is typically reserved for desert, but if you just want something sweet, smooth and cheap… lol, Elena is the way to go!
Funny enough, I saw these on Instagram on theLola Shoetique boutique page and fell in love! The problem was, I was not about to pay $60 for these. That’s not apart of my ministry. Oh but God!! During my last trip to Dallas, I stumbled into one of my favorite shoe stores and almost shouted when I saw these in there! Just like the ones I saw on Instagram and $40 cheaper! I only got them in black and now, I’m definitely regretting not getting them in olive and tan!
That wraps up my January faves! Check out the links above if you’re interested in any thing I may have mentioned! If you have any suggestions on things for me to check out, leave me a comment below and they could end up on my February obsessions!!
So in case you didn’t know, I stan for Auntie Yoncé and Uncle Jay like no other. They are without a doubt my favorite couple aside from our great POTUS & FLOTUS and Oprah and Gail!
Bey and Jay makes the world go ’round and I’ve listed their duets together from best to alright [because it ain’t no ‘worst’ when Beyoncé’s involved] and you can disagree but you’d still be wrong!
1.) Déjà Vu
You’d be a lie if you say Déjà Vu isn’t a masterpiece. From the base, high hat, 808, creole soul, and those outfit changes Déjà Vu is the greatest Yoncé & Jay song ever…and the lyrics is bomb too!
Life-changing lyric: ‘Boy I try to catch myself but I’m out of control.’
2.) Upgrade U
Biihhhh…. if Upgrade U wasn’t and still is the ULTIMATE ‘boy let me remind you who you dealing with’ anthem I don’t know what is! This song is a flawless execution and reminder to all these ragamuffin menz’ that you’re not number one until you’ve been upgraded.
Life-changing lyric: ‘Come harder, this won’t be easy!’
3.) Crazy In Love
OK. Crazy In Love is iconic in its own way because it’s the start of the Beyoncé reign. Crazy In Love took Beyoncé from star to icon! Den’ to add her bew Jay on the track…like it just doesn’t get any better than that!
Life-changing lyric: ‘When you leave I’m begging you not to go!’
4.) 03 Bonnie and Clyde
My jam because Jay was dropping some jewels that are still relevant today!
Life-changing lyric: ‘The problem is you dudes treat the one that you loving’ with the same respect that you treat the one that you humpin’. That ain’t bout nothing!’
5.) That’s How You Like It
Just to reiterate, Dangerously in Love is FLAWLESS. Bey showed OUT on that album. Now that that’s out of the way, lyrically ‘That’s How You Like It‘ is subpar, not expansive, not anything of substance, more meh, but it’s cute and it makes me feel good AND it gives me a nostalgic feel of being in the eight grade,sneaking on the phone at night, talking to my middle school crush!
Life-changing lyric: ‘I like your honesty, integrity, it levels me so please don’t ever change!’
6.) Drunk In Love
Because this was the song of #AllSummer15 and mainstreamed the ‘Dirty Gallop’
Life-Changing Lyric: ‘We woke up in the kitchen saying ‘how the hell did this sh*t happen? Oh baby!”
7.) Welcome to Hollywood
Several reasons why Hollywood is pretty legit but the main one is the history lesson in the last verse. However, Hollywood doesn’t get the credit it deserves and is one of my favorite songs from them.
Life-changing lyric: “Tonight you’ll be a superstar.”
8.) Part II [On the Run]
Unpopular Opinion: Part II isn’t good.
Part II isn’t bad but it’s just like… meh. To me it’s a lullaby and if it weren’t for the radio and my mama playing it on repeat, I’d probably wouldn’t even know the lyrics which is why it rounds out the list.
Life-changing lyric: “And if loving you is a crime, tell me why do I bring out the best in you?”