OK, But What Are You Bringing To The Table?!

OK, But What Are You Bringing To The Table?!

My friend and I grabbed lunch the other week and one of the hot topic was relationships! We joked about our perfect guy, perfect relationship, and after a few margaritas, it got a little serious. Here’s a little snippet of our conversation:

BB: Yeah I’m chilling on relationships right now! I just don’t have time for the games that guys come with!

ME: Yeah girl same! I honestly… I was talking to another one of my friends and we were talking about our past relationships and after our talk I couldn’t help but wonder if the reason why my relationships don’t work is truly because of me.

BB: Elaborate

ME: I don’t know! Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I bring anything to the table! Like yeah I have a job, car, money, go to church, not out there, good woman…but aside from that, am I bringing anything else to the table? When I really think about it, I honestly don’t know if I am. If I were, I’d have a man!

Self-realization is a bitch isn’t it?! For a lot of people, it’s hard to put the mirror on themselves out of fear of facing their flaws and acknowledging their insecurities – myself included! Now in no way am I down playing myself because I truly am an amazing person, but it wasn’t until I stepped back and reflected on the failing of my past relationships that I realized that I truly could be the problem. We as women automatically feel like we’re the end all be all, that no man can do better than us, and that no other woman can measure up to us. Depending on the situation, that could very well be true; however when our ex bae breaks up with us and starts dating and eventually marrying the woman we thought we were better than or the one he said he wasn’t interested in, you’re left wondering why!!

The expression you make when you find out he's dating the girl he told you not to worry about!
When you find out he’s dating the girl  he told you not to worry about!

The truth of the matter could very well be that old girl is bringing something to the table that you are not! How is that when you have a good job, you’re independent, you’re supportive, and you’re pretty? Well a good job and being pretty just isn’t enough and never has been when it came down to a solid and fruitful relationship! And whatever it is that he’s looking for be it support, motherly affection, a freak in the sheets and so on, no matter how long you’ve known each other or been together, if you don’t have it, then you aren’t it – just is the same for us women!

We always have a laundry list of demands and characteristics we want in our significant others. Take myself for example, an ideal man for me is God-fearing, honest, independent with a job, ambitious and so on- but can a man find the same thing in me that I’m looking for in him? That’s something that I’m still trying to find the answer to!

When it all comes down to it, you can’t expect to receive something from someone when you don’t have it or aren’t willing to give it. You want a man with a good salary paying job with benefits? Then make sure you have a decent job to be self-sufficient. You want a man to support you in all of your endeavors? Then make sure you are willing to attend his games, concerts, poetry slams and whatever else. You want a man who’s God-fearing? Then make sure you attend church so that you can continue to spiritually grow and support each other!

Remember, if you want potential bae to have this, that and the third, then make sure you can equally match them and provide them with the same, if not more of whatever it is that you’re requiring from them!



  1. Jessica Howard
    August 22, 2016 / 9:48 pm

    I loved the transparency! I liked the part about y’all’s conversation over margaritas- that’s real!

    But I totally agree, we should all try to be the best and realize that it’s a two way road. You’re both trying to figure out if the other is “the one” for the other. So bringing something to the table is definitely key!

    • admin
      August 24, 2016 / 10:19 am

      Margaritas are a MUST during a girls talk! LOL!

      But agreed! It took me a minute to realize that what I’m asking for is just as important as what I’m bringing!!

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